Slashy Souls the Game Nobody Asked For

Welcome to week 1 of Mobile Game Mondays where I give my unfiltered opinions about the games that I’ve played on my phone. Some are good. Some are bad. Some are Clash of Clans. Let’s get right into it!

Dark Souls 3 comes out tomorrow and if you have less subscribers than Silver Mont, then you probably didn’t get an early copy. So how do you pass the time? Do you play other Souls games in preparation? Why play a game you have 1000 hours on when you can play a brand new, even more difficult game?

Slashy Souls is a free to play mobile runner game distributed by BANDAI NAMCO and Gamestop as a promotional tool to generate hype for the release of the most anticipated action rpg of the year, Dark Souls 3.  It combines the the oppressive aesthetic of Dark Souls with the shallow simplicity of Temple Run.

I will give the game credit though. It certainly does live up to the Dark Souls slogan “Prepare to Die.” In fact it is the hardest Souls game in existence. In fact it is literally impossible to beat because it is an infinite runner game designed to only end with your character’s death.

Your randomly generated character will die in a plethora of ways including impalement by spikes, impalement by Nito’s swords, impalement by random enemy’s sword, and death by fire. You will also die if the darkness of the abyss that is constantly chasing you manages to catch up.

The game’s biggest weak point is ironically Dark Soul’s greatest strength. The game doesn’t tell you what to do or even how to perform the most basic actions. The controls are incredibly clunky because there is no interface. You just wave your finger around and hope that your character jumps over spikes and rolls under platforms all while your character swings his sword or axe like a blood-frenzied lunatic.

Slashy Souls is a game that’s fun for a couple of minutes before its poor design becomes apparent. It’s both impossible to win and impossible to enjoy. It hurts the reputation of Dark Souls more than it helps it. Just play Dark Souls again or Salt and Sanctuary.

Don’t just take my word for it though. Here’s Dark Souls streamer Oroboro playing Slashy Souls.

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